This time last year, I posted a Facebook Live video in response to a viral photo released by Gainesville Police Department. You may remember the photo of three officers as they headed out to protect and serve during Hurricane Irma that got a lot of attention from the ladies. Suddenly it seemed that every female on planet earth was posting about trying to find a “hot cop” to marry.
It was amusing and honestly a welcome break from the normal hatred and vitriol we wives are used to seeing all over the internet. But after the hundredth comment of women asking if there were any single cops that were available I couldn’t help but say something…and that impromptu live video I made ended up being viewed over 300,000 times.
It recently resurfaced and so I thought I would share it here. If you’re not interested in watching, I’ve included a brief overview below.
9 Ways to Know If You’re Really Ready to Take Your Facebook Stalking to the Next Level
- You are totally cool with other women chasing your man. It won’t matter if it’s a 96-year-old grandma in a nursing home or a three-year-old little girl that he sees on the street, she is gonna flirt with your man. There’s something about a man in uniform. It’s science. They can’t help it. It will make a smart girl stupid and turn a stupid girl into a hooker. You’re gonna have to be OK with that. If you’re the jealous or un-trusting type, this isn’t the life for you.
- You love chaos. You don’t like having a structured schedule. You love the thought of attending holidays, birthdays, family get-togethers, kids’ sporting and school events alone, because you’re going to do that a lot. If you’re cool with your family asking if your man is real because they haven’t actually met him…you might be ready for this.
- You can handle rejection from friends and family that you’ve known your whole life. If you kinda just don’t like your family and friends and you want to get rid of them, dating a cop is a great way to do that. A lot of people will decide they just don’t want anything to do with you because you’re married to a cop and it doesn’t even matter if ever even met him. They don’t care. They just automatically hate him. So if you’re trying to get rid of some friends and family and really slim down your social network, this could be the route that you want to take.
- You are OK with fending for yourself in tough situations. When these guys go out to protect and serve in dangerous situations like hurricanes, these wives are on their own. If they are evacuating, they are doing that by themselves; and if they are hunkering down and riding out the storm, they are doing that by themselves, too. So, if you’re totally cool with just being a badass and fending for yourself, this might be the thing for you.
- You have really thick skin. Like, really thick skin. Like, if someone can tell you that they want to kill you and your family and they hope your kids die of cancer and you can say, “And a Merry Christmas to you, too, Sir.” then this might be the profession that you want to be associated with.
- You’re OK with the fact that people are going to want your husband dead– people who’ve never met him- and you can still just send him off to work with a little, “Don’t you go dyin’ on me.” This might be for you.
- You don’t watch the news or read Facebook comments. Number one rule of being a police wife is you don’t read the comments, because the amount of ignorance that you will find on any post that has anything to do with cops will make you want to lick a fork and stick it in a light socket. If you think that the media is a reliable source of information, dating a cop is going to shatter your world and we will find you somewhere in a corner rocking back and forth and drooling all over the place. It’s not a pretty thing and I don’t want that to happen to you. So, if you really think that the media is accurate and you hear the whole story, you just shouldn’t pursue this.
- If you think that smells from things like human excrement, urine, vomit, animal feces, sweat, brain matter, etc. makes a pretty good cologne for a guy or you really enjoy doing laundry with those kinds of stains, this could be a thing for you.
I say this lightly and jokingly, because I don’t want to sit and preach at people, but it’s really easy for people to say they want to be in a relationship with a cop. And I would just like to say that you give up your right to a normal life when you marry a cop. There is not a man who has ever walked the face of the earth that is hot enough to make it worth it. So the number one…the only non-negotiable if you have to have if you really want to be with a cop is this…
- You are in love with a man who happens to wear a badge and a uniform. And you love him just as much if he’s in a pair of jeans, if you’re in an argument, if he’s in a hospital bed, etc. If that man is not everything to you this is not the life you want. It’s not worth it. It will not be worth it. If you are wanting to be in a relationship with a cop because he’s a cop, you are going to end up so disappointed, and probably divorced.
This life is tough. I wouldn’t trade if for anything in the world, but it’s not easy. It’s not conventional and it’s not like normal relationships. Everything in your life will change. If you’re not going after the person and not the badge, then just keep drooling over them on the internet. Do the rest of us a favor, do them a favor, and just keep gawking on the internet.
Nobody’s judging. We wives aren’t judging. We’re just thrilled that it’s someone saying they want our husbands instead of saying they want to kill them. In closing, the uniform isn’t what makes the man. But if you have a man (or woman!) who’s a good man (or woman!) who happens to be a cop…this is worth it. ALL of this is worth it!
Keep loving on our boys (and ladies) in blue,
*Photo by Rachel Hammer